Dear Kanye,
You know I love you, man. Ever since I first heard “Through The Wire”, and your crazy speeded up samples from Chaka Khan’s “Through The Fire”, I knew we’d get along. I respected you for rapping your way through a life changing car accident. Instead of letting it send you into a funk, you made it break you big.
(NOTE: If you want to hear these songs while you read, click on the Grooveshark player at the bottom. Thanks!)
Then, there was that video for “All Falls Down”, with you and Sylenna Johnson in the airport, and I liked you even more. You totally got my shopaholic tendencies, and had insightful social commentary on how the trappings of success don’t equate with happiness.
And you just kicked my A** with “Jesus Walks”, and the powerful military drum opening, and the stream of consciousness, feverish rap about the struggle we all go through to define our own morality in a nebulous social structure.
College Dropout is one of my favorite records, for the way it captures the path that you chose. It’s a great snapshot of your rise- and I totally relate to “Spaceship”, and working at the Gap. God knows I folded that jeans wall a few times in high school.
Oh, and the bass. You seriously know how to program the bass.
But Kanye? You gotta learn when to shut the front door.
Everybody does NOT always want to know what you think, on any given moment of every day, and especially not when you decide to humiliate a minor in the middle of her VMA acceptance speech. For reals. It makes you look like a bully.
Watch this video, Kanye. Check it out. Taylor Swift is burbling along, all happy go lucky and triumphant, but not in like a snotty “I’m better than you” kind of way, cause that would be totally un-Taylor- and then BAM. All the sudden you’re up in her grill, stealing her thunder, and she’s just frozen. And that’s not cool, man. You like Beyonce. We get it.
But SHE was not too happy with you, either, judging from the look on her face in the video.
So really. Before a public event, give Paul Wall a call and have him make you a special grill- we’ll call it the “Kanye”. Lots of bling, but uncomfortable to talk around.
I know you apologized, K. But sometimes, sorry isn’t enough. Especially when you keep doing the same things, begging forgiveness, and then doing it again.
Now, get in the studio, make an album that tops College Dropout, and maybe I’ll move on. In the meantime, thank you for providing fodder for what I’m sure will be an excellent “Saturday Night Live” skit. Consider offering to play yourself, and let Taylor Swift play herself. Then let her beat you down on live TV, because she has earned that privilege.
Love and kisses,
Your friend,
Lindsay
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