Leaving Rituals
May 11, 2009
Every family has their touchstones. When my Dad would come home from work at sunset, I would run to the carport and check his pockets for change, which he would kindly bestow. He would hold my hands, and I would put my feet on his thighs and flip over, scattering my loot all over the ground.
When my husband leaves for a tour, we drive en famille to the designated meeting spot. The small children are in their PJs, as we know we’ll linger past bedtime. The bus waits in the hotel parking lot, the generator humming in a familiar way. The kids pile into the box that will be their Dad’s home for the next few weeks, excepting stints backstage and hotel dayrooms. They’re elated at the satellite TV, as we’ve banned cable at home and just watch DVDs. And, they get Roy Rogers, lolling in the front lounge, blissfully chomping on french fries and watching SpongeBob Squarepants.
They explore the bus, running up and down the narrow aisle that connects the front and the back lounge, with skinny bunks lining either side. They learned to walk on buses like this one, little hands reaching out to bunks to steady themselves. This is what they know. Each night, after the show, when all the gear has been loaded out and the money settled, band and crew pile into their bunks and go to sleep as the rest of us start our day. When they wake up, they’re somewhere else.
Because it’s never been typical, the kids seem to do OK with our schedule. When my husband leaves, they fall into a different, truncated rhythm, the kind where they might get one bedtime story instead of two, or eat cereal for breakfast instead of pancakes and bacon. When we cut back to one grownup, the essentials crystallize. Sometimes we don’t sweat the details. We go about our days, and we have fun. But there is an empty chair, and all of the time we’re watching out of the corner of our eyes for this.
For all the mamas out there whose husbands are gone on much more sober (no pun intended:) missions than this one, thank you for sharing your husbands with our country. It’s hard to have mine gone sometimes, and I know he’s safe and doing what he loves. I so respect those of you who live with not only the absence of your man, but the constant uncertainty of his situation. Thank you for holding down the fort.
Here’s my favorite tour video and latest obsession, Kings of Leon “Use Somebody”:
Posted in Rock and Roll Mama
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May 11th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Beautiful.. just beautiful. Thanks for capturing your family’s more tender moments. I just love this post!
LinseyK’s last blog post..Huggies and Juicy Juice Want You to Dive Into Summer!
May 11th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Kudos to you. I don’t know how you do it. I wouldn’t make it two days without my husband helping me – and we’re both far too codependant to go without seeing each other for days. The times I’ve had to do overnight business trips for work have been hard enough. This is one of the main reasons my music career came to a screeching halt when I got Mommy Brain. I’m glad you guys have a rhythm that works for you.
TheFeministBreeder’s last blog post..The Weaning Decision
May 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
What an amazing post. Thanks for sharing this with us. I have no idea how you do this, and with such grace.
jodifur’s last blog post..Maybe If You Are Really Nice To Me I’ll Take You To A Chinese Restaurant
May 11th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Thanks, you guys. I think for us, it’s just that it’s always been like this. I knew it when we got married, and I am am such a believer in his particular band, that it works for us. BUT: Gina, I totally hear you…if it were me leaving all of the time, I would find it untenable.
I know it’s sometimes difficult for him, but I think everyone, in every career and relationship, weighs the risks and benefits and rolls accordingly. It’s always interesting to me to see all the different ways people put things together.:) Linsey and Jodi: Thanks, ladies. One of my husband’s favorite expressions is “It is what it is.” Pretty much sums it up.:)
May 11th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Excellent post with great sentiment. And as for the Kings, I can’t wait for you to see them at ACL. Fantastic band.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Hang in there L. Call if you need anything. The L’s and I said goodbye for a couple of weeks to their daddy this morning. It’s hard but it just makes you cherish the home days all the more.
Brenda-SeriouslyMama’s last blog post..Sending out an S.O.S…
May 11th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Wow. I had no idea your husband was in a band. That is an exciting life. How long does he tour? Do you go with him during vacations?
My husband never travels for work. My dad, on the other hand, was gone 3 to 5 nights a week for years. We got used to his absences.
You are right about being thankful for service people who are serving our country.
Musings from Me’s last blog post..Romano’s Macaroni Grill Restaurant Favorites: Giveaway
May 11th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
An unexpected delight. Here’s to sweet homecomings.
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