Hey people. Thinking about you.

You know how sometimes, you just have a hard time finding the right line? I started this blog to write about moms and musical identites, and how important it is to keep that spark of joy in your life. And while I’m totally doing it by any means necessary, I’m finding it hard to share. I feel like so much of what’s happening in my life right now is so central to others, and I don’t want to violate their privacy.

But I miss you, y’all. 🙂

So I’ll tell you what I can. My wonderful mother in law has two more rounds of chemo, and her ovarian cancer treatment will be complete. You have never,  ever seen anyone fight for their life like this. Or maybe you have-and if you have, I commend you, because it’s really freaking hard to watch. She’s lost a lot of weight, and hair. But she hasn’t lost anything else. She always had my love and respect, but I can’t begin to tell you how our understanding of each other has changed. There are some things that I think only women can understand and share, no matter how wonderful the men in your life are. And I’m grateful to have shared this time with her.

My mom will have a mastectomy in 7 days. Just on one side, no chemo, no radiation. Sounds sooo easy, doesn’t it? Not. She’s had two lumpectomies so far, and this, pray God, will be her last surgery for this cancer. Or any cancer. Although my mother in lay is a breast cancer survivor- 15 years ago. Heads up: if you’re diagnosed with certain forms of breast cancer, you’re FOUR TIMES more likely to get some form of gynecological cancer, ovarian or uterine. Think about that. That would have been good for somebody to tell us earlier, huh?

I know I sound bitter. I’m just blindsided. In August, we all went on vacation together. My parents, my in-laws, the kids and I. We went to Massanutten, and we did the water park, and we cooked together, and I revelled in being with the people that love us the most. And you know how you have those moments, but you don’t know that it will be the last one like that before everything changes? My mother in law had her clots in her leg, but we didn’t know they were caused by a mass in her pelvis. We didn’t know that less than two weeks later, she would be fighting blood clots in her lungs and diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. The shadow of cancer was over our heads, because my mom had a wonky mammogram. So we had the biopsy on the brain. But we didn’t know that it would be malignant, and that very, very soon the vernacular of our family would change. To reconstruction. To platelets. To red blood cells. To a very real, very vital fight, that I’m so honored to try to support them in.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you to cherish every moment. You know that. And I’m learning it. And I’ll keep trying to find that balance. One day, we’ll have a more lighthearted kind of joy back. Right now, it’s a fierce, clinging kind. And I’ll confess, I cherish it. While I don’t love the cancer, I know we’ve been lucky in it. I know that my girls will be OK. And I know how fortunate I am to have them, and that I would do anything for them.

 
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Comments (14)

  1. Josh Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. Just hold on. Josh’s last blog post..The Story Behind MomFaves
  2. BananaBlueberry Tuesday - 13 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    My thoughts and prayers are with you; it's so hard when we see our parents fighting sickness as they get older, again, I'm so sorry. BananaBlueberry’s last blog post..I’m The Best Mom My Son Has Ever Had
  3. Megan Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    I don't have anything helpful or profound to offer you. Just that this is really a love letter to your two moms. I'm keeping you and them in my prayers. Megan’s last blog post..This is Why - Introducing Wendy
  4. Justine Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Although it sounds like you are taking this in stride, I know you're scared, too. Reading your posts about this beautiful love you have for your entire family makes me weep. I'm so thankful to have the loveliness of you in my life, too. The beauty you see in things amazes me. . . Justine’s last blog post..Warmin the House Up
  5. rockrollmama Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Thanks so much, guys. It's almost over.:) I really appreciate you all being here.
  6. Naomi Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    It's ok to not know what to say, too ... AND it's ok to be bitter ... as long as you're finding at least one thing good in every day too. Beautiful post. Naomi’s last blog post..Organizing Your Household - Part Two
  7. Jo G. Wednesday - 14 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Love love love you. Take care of you as good as you take care of alla them.
  8. The Writer Mama Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Hi dear, I'm sorry to hear about your mom and m-o-l. But you know what, you sound good. Really clear and really grateful. Sounds really brutal. Hang in there... The Writer Mama’s last blog post..Dear Writer Mamas (January 2009 TWM e-Zine)
  9. maggie, dammit Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    I'm thinking about you, babe. Thanks for checking in. maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Scars
  10. Issa Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    I think the thing I kept coming too last year, while dealing with some of these same issues....is to try and enjoy the time you do have together. Try and remember those days, on the bad ones. And also, always tell someone you love them. Always. Just in case it's the last time. My thoughts are with you and your family. And don't worry about blogging, when you are ready for it again, we'll still be here.
  11. fruitlady Thursday - 15 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Sometimes it just doesn't let up! Sorry to hear about your moms. You are in my thoughts as usual. Figured something was up because you been quiet here and on twitter. Miss you! fruitlady’s last blog post..Finding a narrative thread
  12. Devilish Southern Belle Friday - 16 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Best of luck to all of you. *hugs*
  13. Jennifer Saturday - 17 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Thank you for sharing your story. I think sometimes all of us have moments of taking family for granted. This post is a great reminder that no matter the economy, or whatever else happens in life, family is always the most important thing. It sounds like you have an amazing family full of loving and supportive people. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Jennifer’s last blog post..Social Media: Do we trust too much?
  14. Carol @SheLives Friday - 23 / 01 / 2009 Reply
    Okay, that's a lot! Update? How's your mom? I think I'll just go ahead and pray for you mom and MIL. And you. Carol @SheLives’s last blog post..13 Driver's Education Tips for Parents

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