Where I conquer my fears…Bwhahahahaha.

The other week at the playground, I stood at the top of a fireman’s pole, staring doubtfully at the ground. It looked extremely far away, and my body was very reluctant to remove its feet off the wooden platform. I clung to the pole with my upper body, leaning casually out into space. It was my best impersonation of Drunk Stripper Mommy, only in broad daylight with no dance moves.

E shouted encouragingly from the ground, “You can do it, Mommy! Gana did it!” I sighed. My active MIL knows no fear at the playground. How can I not do it now? “Don’t be scared, Mommy!” from the ground.

But  am. I use a classic feint maneuver- “Where’s W? Whoops! Better help him on that slide!” I retreat from the pole, as E shakes her head on the ground. She is not impressed.

Last night, we were back at the park. I took advantage of a moment alone to lean over the pole again, casually testing gravity.  A little face looked up at me from the bottom. “Are you going to do it now, Mommy?”

“Oh yeah! Totally!” I shout, as I see my husband and other two kids checking me out from the wooden cars. By this point, it feels like the whole playground is frozen, waiting for me to wuss out or conquer the pole.

I launch my body out into space, wrapping my legs tightly around the pole..

“Go Mommy! You can do it!” E shouts. My body is frozen, glued to the pole. I look like one of those pencil decorations grade schoolers clip to the top of their writing implements.

I gently unsqueeze my thighs, and move an inch. Hmm. My family watches expectantly, and I begin to laugh, a sound carrying a slight hysterical edge.

“I’m doing it! See?” I shout, willing my daughter to turn away so I can extricate myself from this dire situation. I still feel too far off the ground for my own comfort. But I’m kind of stuck.

I squeak another few inches. Getting nowhere. Then I jump the rest of the 5 feet or so to the ground. Except my top arm is still attached the bar, apparently unwilling to free-fall with the rest of me.

I feel the muscles and tendons in my shoulder gently give way as my feet hit the ground. Lurching away from the pole, one arm longer than the other, I shout, “Did you see that, E? Mommy did it!”

“I saw, all right.” she replies, her meaning unfathomable, and runs off to the swings.

Those firemen make it look so easy.