Interview with Stephanie Kuehnert and Birthday Ramblings

August 13, 2008

Oh, I’m such a Leo. Did you really think I could just let it go and post this lovely Stephanie Interview and not sing the praises of my birthday ONE MORE TIME? At least I’m not like my kids, whose birthdays all seem to last at least 6 weeks, between their party plannings and the actual execution of said parties. Thank goodness their labors were more truncated.

I used to struggle with birthdays a little bit, as I’m the product of a closed adoption- it was hard, growing up, to be happy on the day that I knew meant both my birth and the separation from the mother I had known in the womb.

I got a great lifetime mom when I was three months old, and I know I was meant for her by the universe. But I still wrestled with the actual day I was born. It was the one day of the year I was reasonably sure my birthmother thought about me too, and I worried for her. I wanted her to know I was OK.

When I met her 8 years ago, she told me that she always slipped away on my birthday and had a piece of cake by herself. Her other children and husband knew about me, but not the day I entered the world. It made me happy to know I was a part of her life in some ritual way, especially one that involved sugar.

And now we’re all just one big crazy integrated family. I don’t worry about birthdays any more…I just call both my moms and get some love. I feel incredibly lucky to have these two great ladies in my life, so different but so essential.

So let’s segue into another mom…In Stephanie Kuehnert’s great debut novel, “I Wanna Be your Joey Ramone”, Emily fights to connect to her absentee mother through music. Here’s Stephanie’s thoughts on moms and musical identities…remember to leave a comment on this post, telling me your all time favorite band,  to win a copy of “I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone”…winner announced this Friday, 8/15.

Question: In your book, “I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone”, the main character’s mom flees motherhood in order to pursue her punk rock dreams. Do you think it’s possible to be a mom and  keep your own musical identity?

Stephanie: I certainly do. In IWBYJR Emily is told that her mother that her mother, Louisa, fled to pursue punk rock, but the truth of the matter is that she is running from a dark secret that makes her feel incapable of being a mom. Louisa thinks that music will heal her somehow. I hope that ultimately it will leave readers thinking about what happens when we run from our nightmares rather than pursue our dreams. What kind of kid would Emily have been if she grew up with her mother and could motherhood have helped Louisa? But back to the topic at hand, all of my friends who are moms have kept their musical identities. The only thing I hear them complain about is having less time to discover new bands and go to concerts.

Question: Do you think this generation of moms is keeping their musical identity more than in previous generations? How or why?

Stephanie:   I think it’s more obvious than ever before that moms are keeping their musical identities. I mean, check out that series of lullaby versions of songs by bands like Nirvana, Radiohead, Tool, and Metallica. That is genius. There is clearly a market for sharing our favorites tunes with infants and toddlers. It’s really cool. And I remember the first time I saw a Ramones onesie. Even though I was still completely on the fence about having kids, I thought, I better buy this in case this is some sort of passing fad. But it’s not. You can get Misfits and Social D and Nirvana onesies at Hot Topic now. My friend’s baby has a Minor Threat shirt. It’s awesome! As this generation grows up, the stores are growing up with them and creating sections for their kids. Part of me, is like great you’re capitalizing on our love of music even more, but mostly, I think it’s cool because it is a way for parents’ to hold on to their musical identities and share them with their kids from birth on. It could produce some really cool kids… Or they could all rebel and become republicans, but let’s hope not.

Question:  How did your parent’s  tastes influence your love of music? (If they did.:) I know my mom loved her some Old Blue Eyes.

Stephanie: My parents loved the Beatles and they were my first musical love. My mom exposed me to the blues and my dad got me into Jimi Hendrix, but other than that and a brief hippie phase in junior high where I borrowed my dad’s Jefferson Airplane tapes and soundtrack from the original Woodstock, they weren’t really a huge influence. I kinda rebelled. The hippie folk stuff they liked was not hard enough for me. We argued over music on car trips all the time. My mom brings up a lot how miserable it made her to listen to Bikini Kill and even though, I respect his place in music history, I still can’t stand Bob Dylan because my dad forced us to listen to 3 straight hours of him and his voice just grated on me. My mom and I related musically better than my dad and I. She could get into some of my music, like Nirvana and more recently the White Stripes. My dad couldn’t tell the difference between Nirvana and Pearl Jam on the radio, *sigh,* and seemed shocked that I thought he’d like that White Stripes CD I got him. Um, they cover Bob Dylan???

Question:  What are your Top 5 desert island records?

Stephanie: This is kind of hard. My top three is easy and hasn’t changed since I was 15. 1. Nirvana- In Utero 2. Hole- Live Through This 3. Rancid- And Out Come the Wolves. The other two change around a bit and part of me wants to be like, can’t I just bring my iPod??? I think if I had to choose I’d pick The Gits- Frenching the Bully and Social Distortion- Social Distortion. But depending on my mood when I was packing for the trip I might grab Screaming Trees- Sweet Oblivion, The Distillers- Coral Fang or Against Me!-Searching For a Former Clarity instead.

Thanks again Stephanie!

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