“I appreciate people who are civil, whether they mean it or not. I think: Be civil. Do not cherish your opinion over my feelings. There’s a vanity to candor that isn’t really worth it. Be kind.”
-RICHARD GREENBERG
I saw this on the fabulous blog of Natasha and it clicked with everything I’ve been feeling all day about my post about Jennifer Mendelsohn’s NYT piece.
Liz had a great point in the comments about attacking the problem vs. attacking the writer, and I was too hotheaded to hear it at the time.
I cherished my opinion over another mom writer’s feelings, and next time I will try harder to be better. Though I stand by my thoughts, there was a kinder way to say them.
That’s all, was raised Catholic, need a good confession to move on. Thanks, y’all.
OK, one more post on the NYT piece, and I move on. Promise.
I didn’t realize when I wrote mine I was way behind the 8-ball and piling on, as I don’t blog-hop or tweet much from conferences, and am at SXSW IA.
And I don’t normally post angry. Except when I do. Upon further reflection, I question the Times ‘ judgement in headline and graphic choice at least as much as the writer’s.
So I sent an email directly to the editor of the Style section, Stuart Emmrich. I’ll spare you the gories of yet another Lindsay rant, since you’ve read one long snarky one by me this week.
Basically, I hit the same points as my post yesterday, with the addition of an analogy: if a guy went to a Star Trek convention with pocket protectors and broken glasses on, then wrote an article mocking those 40-year old virgin nerd losers, It would still feel like an abuse of gaining access and confidence.
But I would think it was funny.
It’s never a laugh when you’re the clown getting dunked.
The author clearly disclosed her status as on assignment, so my feelings on the “one of us” behavior reported by attendees could be just that: my feelings. It’s not my style, but I see where it’s a hard line to walk.
Mr. Emmrich was kind enough to take the time to read and reply, which I share here with his permission.
Dear Ms. Maines:
You and I obviously read two different stories. I would separate the piece from the headline — not written by the author and perhaps ill-judged — and give the piece a fairer and more dispassionate read. Sincerely, Stuart Emmrich
Hmmm. Ill judged- I concur.
Fairer and more dispassionate: I tried. I still don’t get it.
But, he has a point. We did read two different pieces. My reply to that:
Thank you for your reply. I’m sure we did. Since, as a white male executive, sexist throwback jargon may not trip your alarm bells the way it would someone in my shoes, who struggles against the devaluing jargon of “mommy blogger” quite frequently.
Again, thank you for your time. Possibly I’m not objective, but maintain this could have told a stronger story. Snark is easier.
And the author of the piece, Jennifer Mendelsohn, wrote a rebuttal on her blog responding to the backlash in the blog community.
If THAT were what had run in the Times, we would not be having this conversation. Jennifer professes a love and respect for blogs and bloggers that doesn’t come through from the tone of the Times piece. But I give her major props for getting in and engaging in the conversation.
I see the difficulty of her position in writing this piece. I really do. To maintain credibility as a journalist while covering a tribe you’re a card carrying member of is no easy task. What I wish could have happened was to come in closer to get the shot, instead of going long lens.
Something like:
“We’re all at the bus stop every morning, breath fogging the air, talking about Lost. I’m spacing out, thinking about a blog post I’m working on. One mom mentions seeing a Lost spoiler on Twitter- “Oh, you’re on Twitter too?” I say, and she says, “Yeah, growing traffic for my blog.”
Ahhh. Traffic. She speaks my language. We’re the dual life moms- we have an everyday life where you see us in the carpool line- and our online presence where we post what we wrote in our head while IN the carpool line.
And, though invisible to much of mainstream media, advertisers and corporate America sure take notice…(followed by her statistics, etc.-leading into conference coverage.
Etc., etc., you get it. Maybe Monday morning quarterbacking, I know. But Features are written in the first person voice quite frequently. It could have worked.
I see the desire for distance out of wanting to maintain the appearance of professional objectivity. I just don’t think the editorial choice served the piece well.
And, I brush my hands, pull up my big girl pants, and go back to editing my book proposal that I promised will be in my agent’s hands in two days.
I guess that’s all we can do- keep doing what we’re doing, running that race that is balancing the choices of where our time and attention go. And know that those we engage with in our online life are worth far more to each other then an outside lens can capture.
Freelance journalist Jennifer Mendelsohn (and, like, Mom-mee blogger! Who like, luuuuurves American Idol. But, like, shhh. ) chose to use her national forum, her chance to help translate a piece of feminine culture to the larger world, to…
Be a total mean girl.
She pulled the grown-up version of junior high school school girls bringing along someone they kinda hate just to mock them.
Jennifer used her press pass to get into the Baltimore Bloggy Boot Camp (I’m assuming, she may have payed: I wouldn’t know, since the MEDIA don’t have to disclose when they get in for free- just moms.)
She watched, she listened, she talked. I wince when I picture it in my head- the openness of our community, the way we share information with women who ask. How that’s the basis of the space she entered- and betrayed.
Then she pulled a total Rita Skeeter, a la Harry Potter.
I’m in Austin for my 2nd SXSW IA. Last year, it was huge and overwhelming and great. I wanted to have something to offer, but I wasn’t sure what it was. This year, I feel like all we all have to offer is our take on what’s going on in this amazing digital space, and how to navigate it.
I sat next to two college younguns from PRSSA (a great student public relations group) on the plane from Nashville. We geeked out, chatting out best practices and disclosure and etc., etc. And it occurs to me. I don’t know exactly what you’d call this thing that we do here on the internet- but I know that I love it, and I’m passionate about all the ways it can influence our lives.
So I want to know: How bout you? Whatcha doing? Whatcha working on? And most importantly, where do you want to be in a year?
March 20, 2010 ![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=9a5449b4-0e3a-42c2-9d03-0d0daf1f9af7)
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